Showing posts with label Resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Resolutions. Show all posts

Everything Changes

Author: Jen Posted under: , , , ,
I thought I would write a little bit about why I want to follow these resolutions I’ve made and the main inspiration I have had. I pre-apologise to any Emilie Autumn fans reading this. Fangirls, look away now.

Since about April 2007 to Autumn (ironically) last year, I was smitten with Emilie Autumn. That woman could do no wrong, what she said and did was gospel. Slowly I fell in love with her companions, her fans, her way of life. This was a woman I was willing to wait in the freezing cold for to make sure I got to the front. On two separate occasions I did this. Admittedly with the best company to be had. But things changed. Things always change.

I had been thinking for a while that Emilie wasn’t “all that”. There was something to her I felt was a little – off. We are now on the millionth re-release of Opheliac. One that seems to be released and released – without any promise of a new album. Things we have been promised have never showed up, how long did it take for the book to actually be released? And the countless ancient memorabilia she just happened to “stumble” upon in her house that would instantly end up on ebay to amass a small fortune.

I fell out of love with Emilie, for all of these reasons, and her personal attack on a forum member. One of her own fans. What kind of icon does that? What kind of musician turns on their own fans like that? There was nothing in what the fan said that was angry or hate filled. It was concern. And Emilie, and Inky (whoever he actually is) turned on her and banned her from the forum. I cannot imagine ANY artist doing that. Any band, singer or musician I have met have always been kind and caring to their fans. THEY DO NOT BAN THEM BECAUSE THEY DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE OR TAKE SOMETHING THE WRONG WAY.

I felt that that was the final straw that broke the camels back. I was gone. No idol of mine could ever be like that. I could not support someone who I already saw as money grabbing, treat their fans like shit. I await the protests saying that no, not she doesn’t treat you like shit. She showers tours and cover versions of songs and items in auction that go for hundreds of pounds and the book. Oh praise the book! But it is my firm belief that she is one of the most manipulative people ever. I do not deny that she may have had a hard life and this is her big break. I don’t know her well enough for that. But as a prior fan, and as a fan to many other bands, I have never ever known anyone to charge so much for her items, CDs, limited editions, VIP Tickets, Bundles with the Book. No one who really appreciates their fans would do that.

So I fell out of love with Emilie. This force who had been such a huge part of my life for the last 2 and a half years was expelled. I stopped listening to her, I stopped visiting the forum and I did what I never thought I could do. I sold my CDs. Every single limited edition I saved for, bought lovingly, had got signed by Emilie at every London gig she had done to date. And I had a void. I felt free almost, as if I had been released from some spell. I could see the world again and there was something more beyond Emilie and everything else.

But for those the few months after I left everything, I was beginning to feel lost. I had been part of this huge community where I had friends, with so many interests and so many things were brought to my attention through them. And who could forget the joy the International Meet Up brought. I met so many of these people and thinking back to that day still warms my heart. So I was lost. I felt like I had nothing to do. I read books, I had ideas for my own novels appear in my head. I listened to new bands. I went abroad. I got engaged. Slowly I found that Emilie wasn’t everything. I did have more.

However, I knew there was more out there. I want to rediscover myself now I am free from the Asylum. I still feel lost as if all sense of my being has been moulded into this other being. One I couldn’t recognise. And so my resolutions this year are more of a survival for after the Asylum. Over the next 12 months, and beyond, I hope to become the person I crave to be. With my inner hippies, geeks, history nerds. I want to experience new things in life, travel, see the country I now call home. Spend time with friends and save up for my wedding. All this is doable now. 

I can and will be me. 

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A late Resolution

Author: Jen Posted under: , , ,
I was sat here trying to find something to wear for a fancy dress thing I have coming up in March when something hit me. How many of my clothes come from charity shops? Answer: A fair few. And they last as long, if not longer as most of my shop bought clothes.I then considered my personal style. Well...there isn't much of one I'll admit. I'm usually in Jeans trainers and tops and if not then its boots skirts and tops. I don't have much in the way of variation.

But while I am thinking about becoming more me I know I have styles and thoughts and things in my head. I know deep down inside I am nothing but a massive hippie. I have unique thoughts (or so I believe) and don't believe that commercialism should be telling us what to wear, what's in style etc.

And so, in exploration of myself and my own personal styles I today declare that I will buy nothing from commercial shops. Any clothing I buy will be from charity shops, thrift stores or ebay. The only exceptions are underwear, pyjamas, jeans (I know one place where jeans fit me, I'm not giving them up!) and shoes.

This new resolution also contributes to my "doing more for charity". Instead of giving my money to the commercial market all sorts of charities will benefit by me giving them money.

This will probably also extend to books - unless there is one I really rather want. Nothing new, all ebay, charity shops or Amazon marketplace.

Wish me luck!
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Happy New Year!

Author: Jen Posted under: , ,
I have decided that 2010 is going to be the year for change. I was thinking back to my new years resolutions for last year and found that suprisingly, I stuck to them at least partly, if not achieving quite what I hoped to achieve. I didn't have many last year, they were mainly lose weight and do more for charity - both I achieved in one way or another. One I don't feel that I achieved: Get to know myself better. So this is one that is top of my list this year.

As I feel I did well sticking to my resolutions last year I'm trying again this year. My list is more than double the size of last years but I hope that I can manage them and achieve my goals for 2011. So here they are:

Get to know myself better spiritually and personally - This is last years but beefed up a little. I really don't feel that I know myself in any sense sometimes and I hope that setting myself this goal will get me in gear for actually doing something about it!

To continue to lose weight - Something I did achieve last year, just not as well as I might have hoped. This year I am going to try as hard as I can to get down to the weight I crave to be.

Continue to do charity work - The sense of achievement I had last year when I did a 18 mile walk around London for the Big Issue Foundation was amazing. I pushed myself through barriers I neevr thought I could do. I want to do another event in the future - maybe another Big Issue walk if there is one.

Learn to cook more -  Last year I discovered that I do actually quite enjoy cooking and found myself cooking alot more than I had done before. This year I want to expand what I can cook and get a bit creative in the kitchen!

Create and maintain a herb container - Sounds a bit silly but this will be part of my cooking resolution (Rosemary Roast Potatoes please!) and part of one of my resolutions below. I believe I'm a bit of a hippie at heart and that this will bring that out a bit more too!

Persue my interests - Another one that might sound silly, but I procrastinate so much, even from things I enjoy doing. I want to go and see things, read the books I've aquired this last year. And finally complete Zelda and the Phantom Hourglass.

Engage more in finding out my beliefs and affirm my interest in the Craft - This one will be tricky for me. I still feel like I'm wavering with my beliefs and I'm hoping that I will be able to spend time this year to think through what I believe. I'm pretty sure my beliefs fall within the Craft and I hope to be able to become more involved with it.
Practice Hooping and Poi - I got these Christmas 2008 and I can barely keep the hoop up! Something to work on :)

Become a tidier person and do things when they need to be done instead of putting them off - Don't think I really need to explain this one! Not to anyone who knows me anyway!

Become more me - Whatever that may be :)

I have started thinking about these seriously already too. Well a couple of them anyway. I have a cookbook and a folder in which to write my own recipes, I've seeked advice on growing my own herbs and I started the new year with a semi tidy flat - just need to get it proper tidy!

My aim with this blog is to keep it updated with progress through the resolutions and probably as a general life update/rant kinda thing. I'll share new experiences and try to update at least once a week, I'm not known to be good at updating these things so we'll see how it goes :)

Hope you all have a nice New Year whatever you end up doing!
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