I have been thinking again (oh no I hear you cry!) about many things, but mainly on belief, my beliefs and religion as a whole.


Why do we believe? I have been thinking of the differences in the days when religion were found and belief today. I do not believe that less people believe than back then, in a proportional basis. I believe there were always people who questioned things, and questioning is healthy. Questioning lead to science and without it, where would we be today? But before the questioning, before the science, miracles happened, prophecies were told and the end of the world came with every eclipse. People believed, because they didn’t know any better. They would never again see a total eclipse and know it to be a astronomical phenomenon that would occur over and over again. They believed that God was angry, or that the world was ending. Today, we’re more likely to grab those little plastic glasses generally given away free in news papers to witness this scientific event. Probably the only one we’d ever see.

So what leads people to believe now? Is the world all just undiscovered science? Or does what sparked religion all those years ago still confound us now?

Today I feel the world is largely of blind faith. I mean no offence to those with other beliefs but when you look at the Christians, the Muslims, and all those with a holy book, I feel they just take the word in the book as gospel. And there it in my opinion a lot of truth in that. You get people like Fred Phelps who seem to digest the bible but look at how they use it? Picketing everything they can from rockstar’s funerals, to Comicon, to funerals of those who died fighting for their country. God hates this, God hates that. And how come those reading the same book (unless I’m muchly mistaken) who sit there saying God loves everyone? Is there any effort in these religions?

I’ll stick with a general conception of Christianity for this bit, not going to get bogged down.

Christianity, you are christened when born, and if your parents so wish it you go to Church every Sunday until you feel you might be old enough to make the decision that that’s not where you want to be. Or there are those who have no thought about it and carry on being Christian until they die, not of any miracle or anything that has snagged their attention, but because it’s what they have always believed. So they are born, live and die Christian. With no thought to follow any of their thoughts, they believe blindly in this “Word of God” this book you can buy for £12.99 from WHSmiths. And I look upon it with a sceptical mind, with this world of science, I do not see how these things can have taken place, and I see a lot of it as just stories.

I’m not going to comment on the other religions with holy books, I have very little dealings with them but having been christened, attended church, Sunday School and studied it fairly extensively in school I feel a familiarity with it. And that is my view.

So I look now to Paganism. Paganism is an umbrella term as such for countless different forms of religious belief and thought. There is no “holy book” for paganism for one, they are fairly new in the world of religion, Wicca was only founded in the 50’s. So what makes these people believe when there is no holy book?

I still consider myself fairly new to the world of Wicca and Paganism. I have had an interested for many years and I have been reading for many years though I don’t believe I have found my “niche”.

So I believe, and why? To be quite honest with you, I’m not all that sure. Having studied many areas of Paganism it just feels right. Many people call the feeling like they are “coming home”. I know this feeling, I know it well. And so I believe in a God and I believe in a Goddess. This equal balance in divinity as there is in the natural world. For every male half there is a female half, without both there wouldn’t be the life on this earth. Even those who reproduce themselves have male and female parts. All through nature, flowers, trees, animals, insects, the earth its self has split male and female. Yin and Yang. Its all part of the balance of life. I find the God and the Goddess easy to believe in. It’s not hard to see why people believe in that part. Neither do I find it hard to believe in energies. Everything has an energy, even rocks and crystals. It is these energies that are used to perform magic. Energy is generated in ritual through a number of different ways. It can be raised by voice, by dance, drumming. The energy is told what we want done through spells and it is released into the universe to do our bidding. The magic bit, that oddly, is the bit I find hardest to believe. I’ve had little to no experience with direct magic, it’s not something I find myself comfortable to practice. I wonder if its because of my lack of knowledge or if its because I find myself linking magic still to Harry Potter.

I feel I need to connect more. Many people in the online communities I’m on have daily devotions and alters and find they connect more. I’m wondering if I had this if it would help. The only way I’ll get around my disconnection with magic is to practice it myself. Then I can feel myself if I’m comfortable with it or not. And I think that will contribute to which path I take.

Currently I view Wicca as where I want to be. I know that this is probably as its where I started. Scott Cunningham’s Wicca: A guide for the solitary practitioner was the first book I picked up from a bookshop and committed myself to read. It was also bought on a day of great significance in my life and I feel that it’s someway connected. I believe I would be quite happy in the Wiccan path if I could just get past my block on magic. Perhaps my next stage of development can be setting up an alter. Dedicate a little time a day to meditate on what I seek. Clarity.
And yet, while I sit here pondering beliefs I still have a strong basis in Science. I don’t take everything to be some sign of the divine. I know it can’t be. And I think it’s hard having such a interest and belief in science and having a belief in something like Wicca where the concepts have been around for centuries.

But going back to the blind faith. Do pagans have blind faith? I don’t think so. I think that paganism is not something people stumble on really. People are not recruited to Paganism the way that other faiths advertise and try to recruit. They are there by choice, and that choice is personal to them. But something made them believe in this, something that isn’t a book written centuries ago. To have faith in paganism you have to look deep within yourself and find what it is that lies in that that makes you believe. You can’t follow blindly as it is you that makes the decisions, you that chooses what to believe. It is not dictated by a “messenger of God”. I suppose that is why I feel comfortable in it. It’s dicated by me. The main principle of Wicca is “An harm ye none, do what thee will.” Which sums up what life should be about to me.

I'll keep on trying, reading, believing. I'll try new things, daily time to stop and think about what I seek.

Something has to stick sooner or later.

I haven't written in a while, so today I seek to end this.

Over the last few weeks a fair few things have happened, either personally or nationally, and even internationally (Fuck the ash cloud!).

I'll start with the big one. The General Election.

As we all know by now David Cameron is now our fearful leader. Though a pretty much complete washout the Conservatives are once again in power for the first time in 13 year. Now I know I'm not the first to be scared by this. Tories have already set about public funding cuts which is going to affect all UK readers of this blog without a doubt. My Local Authority and work place have already been trying to work out spending cuts, which in my line of work of child protection is hardly ideal. I hope that we are left alone but I doubt it.

Conservatives are in there as part of  a coalition with the Liberal Democrats. Now I don't think I need to hide my affection for Nick Clegg but I do have to wonder whether or not he's made the right decision. I have looked at policies and it feels the Lib Dems are only there to boost numbers, not to make a contribution on how the government is run, which as far as I'm aware defies the point of a coalition. Should they not be working together to form this government, and it's policies etc? I know the Tories will always have an upper hand but still. Has Cameron wooed Clegg with promises which will be left unheard and Clegg with a broken heart? I think Clegg has sold out. He saw an opportunity and grabbed it by the balls, which to be fair who can blame him? But I can see that he will just sit there and happily let the Tories use his ass. But he's deputy Prime Minister, so I'm not sure he cares.

I will admit I haven't been paying a lot of attention as to what has happened post election beyond the coalition and a few policies. I've seen they have cancelled the Third Runway at Heathrow which is something I petitioned against quite strongly so I am very pleased that has been stopped. But I'm not about to jump into bed with them. I'm going to watch this new government with interest. Lots of interest.

Another issues that has come up following the election is the voting system. The Tories have recently said they will offer a referendum on the Alternative Voting System. But it's not enough. I've joined a group for Proportional representation. I'm not going to try and explain electoral systems, so I will link you here To the BBC who are able to explain it better than me.

So I attended a demonstration outside parliament yesterday as organised by http://www.takebackparliament.com/. It was amazing. My protest virginity has been taken and I want more! To see hundreds of people gathered to put their voices forward on the same issue. It was quite something. One of the speakers kept talking about the Suffragettes and comparing our motion to them. Quite nice to know that I'm part of something that is going to grow hopefully country wide, into every household to show that the electoral system is unfair and we're not getting what we want!

So what else has happened in my life since I last posted.

Well, I've joined a Fund raising Group for Oxfam. Had our first official meeting last week and I'd say it's looking promising already! We hope to have our first fund raising event at the forthcoming Peace Festival (Read: Hippie fest!) and hopefully have a blast. I note I am the youngest person still but there sounded like there would be someone else my age coming along in the future so that's something. I hate being the youngest at everything. Joining a fund raising group is something I've been meaning to do for a while so quite happy an opportunity has arisen so I can take part in one just starting up!

Last month I also saw Amanda Palmer live, at last! Technically it was supposed to be an Evelyn Evelyn gig but due to the ash cloud and half of Evelyn Evelyn being stranded elsewhere it ended up being a mash-up gig of Bitter Ruin, Robots in Disguise, Melissa Auf Der Maur and Amanda Palmer. A totally eclectic line up and a totally amazing show. I enjoyed every minute of it, and even got on stage for a Malcolm McLaren tribute at the end. Happy me! I started thinking about Amanda Palmer's work after the gig whilst drifting aimlessly around art galleries and wondered if I could ever be that talented. She has the ability to write about anything in any style and has songs so fuelled with emotion. I started to think about my own creativity.

Currently my inspiration and creativity has been null and void. There's been nothing there for me to write or anything I write is utter crap, as you will have seen in a mini rang entry. It is the most frustrating thing in the world especially when I want to do nothing more than write. Usually I can't because I can't get the words out into anything that sounds remotely decent. I did manage to write a couple of things on the train home the day after the gig but I couldn't finish them so they remain as works in progress. Its annoying because I sit with ideas that I just can't get out. I have a rough sketch of what the idea is and how it should develop but I never think it's going to lead anywhere. Currently I have, in my mind, a brilliant idea for a novel. I've sat on it and developed it a little but I don't think I have the ability required to actually get it out as a novel, not even a rough draft. Maybe my "writers block" will fade and I will find the ability to get the words out into some form that makes sense. Who knows. Would be nice to attempt at least.

The only other thing that has crept up in my mind, more recently than the rest, is my beliefs. At the beginning of the blog I had stated that I wanted to concentrate on my beliefs and try and have some sort of idea of what it is exactly I believe. I'm not entirely sure if I'm any good at philosophy, I mull over things in the back of my head and something random usually just pops out which is quite profound, I mention it, peoples brains melt and then it is ignored and whatever idea I did have with any philosophical seed vanishes into the ether. I find this is often how my thought processes go when it comes to pondering my own beliefs. But the other day I was sat reading a book (Dan Brown if you must know) and listening to music and a thought popped into my head that I was simply pagan. Now I have always felt drawn to witchcraft for as long as I can remember, before I started to read Harry Potter books even! I've gathered quite a little library on witchcraft with spells etc but when I really think about it, it's not the magic side I'm overly interested in. Well I am, but I don't do it and I haven't even tried to spend time to get together the basic tools of a witch and spend the time that seems to be required to honour the old ones or even practice magic which as far as I'm aware is a fundamental part of being a witch. I'm more likely to be outside, in a park sat by a tree by the river taking wonder at the ducks and swans, the occasional squirrel that bounds about and taking joy from the world around.

Now of everything I know I believe in a God and a Goddess. That to everything there is a male part and a female part and that somewhere whatever sparked creation on this earth was not an accident (although apparently the dinosaurs were). Everything on this earth is part of a circle. we are born, we live, we pass on our knowledge and then we die, our bodies going back to the earth from which we came from. My thoughts on my beliefs are still a little muddled and I do intend to concentrate on them more in the coming weeks so expect, hopefully, a slightly more in depth look at them.

Until next time!

I went for a walk tonight after work under the most gorgeous sky. It was all purple and pink, the moon was shining as it waxes to full and I just had a very strong desire to be outside, despite the fact it was freezing cold.

Imbolc is just around the corner and I hope to mark it properly, ritual and all. So I've been trying to write my own because I believe that these sort of things should be personal to the person, not just taken from a book and acted out to the best of ones ability. Not that I believe in overly ceremonial rituals either. I want nothing more than a simple ritual, that shows that its mine, that means something to me. So I can write it down and look back at it and use it again, or rewrite it, or reuse it in some way.

I'll explain a little about what Imbolc means for those unaware (just so you actually understand why its the basis for this blog entry!)

Imbolc is a festival of light. It is a festival traditionally in honour of the Celtic Goddess Brighd (Bride) who is a Goddess of purification, healing and fire. Its also an agriculture based holiday (back in ye olde days) as it is the time when the first lambs are born (Irish Imbolig means in the belly, and Oimelc means ewes milk). As part of the year it is a time to celebrate the growing sun following the shortest day at Yule. Candles are lit to encourage the sun in its increasing growth. 

Most significantly for me though, Imbolc is a time for new beginnings. Now I was thinking about this today while I half heartedly tried to think of my blessing for my ritual and thought it would be a good time for me to start new projects. It would be a good time for me to think again of losing weight which I have been meaning to do since New Year. Its a good time for me to start the quest to seek my true self, the one I believe is hiding under everything I am, the me that wants to come out. 

Recently my hippie/pagan urges have become stronger. I've gone back to using only Lush products (not tested on animals), I've been addicted to Omnia for a while (marching boldly to my top artist on Last.fm), and this years new years resolutions and challenges I feel are a bit more...hippie I guess, compared to the usual ones. Where I would of been previously ashamed to own anything from a charity shop, let alone wear it, I am now challenging myself to living out of them for clothes for the year. I already have my eye on a top in PDSA (this wouldn't happen normally!) 

I know something within me is changing already although I have  barely seen it to the end of January. I want to care about the world we live in, help it, help the people, animals, plans, trees, oceans and lands all on it. I am beginning to show to myself that I can go beyond the action pages on charity websites and think about what I want to do for myself. 

My current concern is the recent story from the Independent on how Mali and Tanzania want another "one off" trade on Ivory and lowering the elephants standing on CITES which would mean hunting would be allowed but only in limited amounts. I already want to write to my MP to urge the PM to oppose this. We didn't last time and the rise in poaching is remarkable. Elephants are few enough in number as it is. Any lowering on CITES etc could lead to their extinction, and having never seen one of these beautiful animals for myself, I do not want that to happen. 

I sit here writing this blog in candlelight because its what I was in the mood for. Much like my walk this morning, sometimes I need to remove myself from some aspects of modern living, almost a pagan desire. I listen to Omnia while I do this and it makes me feel, almost as I should be. 

So second of February, Imbolc, my journey begins. The quest to find out who I am. My new beginning.


Note: Blogspot (When crashing last night) seems to have killed my text default to the pretty blue its supposed to be. New Blog layout number 3 might be in order!

This week I started to look at three of my resolutions. The first one was my cooking and I tried out a lovely new recipe of Potato, Chorizo and Leek Pie. It was absolutely gorgeous. It's from Rachel Allen's Home Cooking Recipe Book. If there is enough demand I'll post the recipe up. I guess you can experiment with it and make vegetarian versions. Admittedly it was probably the easiest thing to make, but it was so good so I don't care!

The other thing I've turned to look at this week is beginning looking into my beliefs and Witchcraft/Wicca properly. This is going to be hard for me. I feel that when I first came into Witchcraft that I started to believe absolutely everything I read. And it's hard not to, when everything is new and seems so different you cling to it and hope its true. I know deep down that Witchcraft/Wicca is where my beliefs lie. Refining them is a different matter. I am always advised to read, read, read and read until I can form my own opinions. I want to start doing this. I have so many books that I have bought that haven't been read. I want to get to a point where I can sit down and discuss my beliefs with someone, something I'm not comfortable to do yet. I want to feel as if my heart is in it, that its where my heart belongs. Part of me wants to go away for a weekend to think it all over. Somewhere by the sea, I always feel very spiritual by the sea.

So I'm going to start by reading my beginners books again, Scott Cunningham, Kate West, Cassandra Eason. I'll eventually read all my books, doing all the exercises that are contained with in them to help me further my knowledge of the craft and ground my beliefs. I'll look at a few other pagan based religions I guess. Druidry, I have a couple of books on that and all types of craft like Faeriecraft on which I also have a book. I need to expand my horizons I think and stop being focused on the same books time and time again. Here's hoping it gets me somewhere!