I sat last night and watched a vast quantity of Tim Minchin videos. It seems wherever I turn he is there these days. Now don't ask me where I've been in the time he was around before November 12th 2010 - I generally don't watch TV and ignore most of the internet unless I have my nose nestled happily in some relevant obscurity or another which apparently has been in the furthest corner away from Tim.

So I sat listening to some bits and pieces last night and I came across "Storm". For those unaware of Mr Minchin, please see below.



Words can be found here.

This struck something with me. What, I'm not quite sure, but I will try and articulate what I can.

I almost believe that this beat poem is two sides of myself. My inner hippie and my own inner sceptic. It echoes many views I have on both sides of the fence, on what I believe, or parts of what I want myself to be.

Now to be honest, I'd love to be Storm. She almost sounds like the person I wanted to be. A free loving hippie who questions everything, believes that everything has some deep down meaning or is far more complex in a spiritual sense than anything else. I wanted to be vegetarian, and I wanted to say it with pride. I wanted to hold my end of a new age argument and not sound like I was ranting on about tosh. But after thinking about this all my way around Leamington Spa I've come to realise I'm becoming increasingly like Tim.

I'm becoming a sceptic.

When I was younger I used to stay up with dad when I couldn't sleep. My dad was a fan of "Strange but True" a tv show hosted by Michael Aspel with stories on Ghosts, UFOs, psychics, vampires etc. They used to scare the living day lights out of me and I believe that this show is the reason I am still, today, afraid of the dark.

When I was younger, about 13 or so, I first came across my first website on Witchcraft. I was amazed that this existed and instantly believed in it. It was on the internet, it had to exist. I spent fleeting moments reading up on spell upon spell and anything I could get my hands on. Then the thought went out my head. It was a phase. Then the phase built up  again when I was 16 and I bought my first book on Wicca when I was 17. I believed, or wanted to believe, everything that was said in the book. I giggled at some of it (a diagram of a woman invoking the goddess tickled me in particular) and found a certain beauty in the rest. When I went to college I bought more books and read those and I felt comfortable enough to call myself a witch. After all, it was a pretty cool thing to be. And so I went out, bought more books, bought a pendulum, bought Tarot cards because the books all said they worked. And I believed in the books, so I believed in the Tarot Cards. No evidence, just pure belief.

And don't get me wrong, I'm still open to most of this stuff it's just I think it's all a bit...well, silly.

And this is where the sceptic steps in.

As much as I want to believe in a lot of this stuff, I simply can't. Do I believe that a deck of cards can predict the future? No. I don't believe anyone can. Do I believe in psychics. I think a lot of things can be read from someone if you are well trained enough. Nor do I believe that people can speak to spirits. As much as I'd love it if it was true, all these Crossing over or equal shit tv shows are coincidental. Surely in a room of 100 people or so someone is going to know someone called John who has died, no?

And this is the big one from me. I do not...

believe...

in magic.

Karma, yes. I like to think that if you put out good you get good back, but I also know the world has a tendency to shit all over people regardless of intentions. But Magic I cannot put a belief in. With elements and energy and crystals with special meanings and certain herbs going with that and colour correspondences and yadda yadda yadda. Surely if magic existed it would be more simple and not take two hours or so to complete with unknowing results. I'm not exactly talking Harry Potter magic, but it would be nice.

I believe in science. It's pretty hard not to, and I know some things do not go hand in hand belief wise with science. Can magic be proved by science? No. Can Reiki? no. Can psychics? no. I know there is a branch of science out there, Noetics, that looks into spirituality and parapsychology etc but I still do not believe that Noetics is definitive. Though I certainly would be interested if they were to turn out that everything we thought was a myth was fact.


After all, Tim says "Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed".


So where does all this leave me. Well, I'm still Pagan. This is the bit I find hypocritical because after all of that I still believe in something that cannot be proved by science. I worship the Earth, the skies and the winds. Nature, which I believe is held in science, can be worshipped. The planet we are slowly killing. With my Eco ways I feel I'm doing my bit to help Earth, and in turn leave the planet so everyone can enjoy it as it is. The God and the Goddess still mean something to me. They are still my beacons of light and hope out there whether they exist or not. I still believe that they are part of everything and if this is true, then they are a part of science. Can this be proved? probably not. But it's my belief.


Now I have nothing against people like Storm. I believe that people have the right to believe what they want, whether it can be proven or not. And I have a high respect for the Tim like sceptics in the world who will argue until they are blue in the face for what they believe.


For now I think I've opened up the next chapter in where I am with myself. Still a very twisted and not quite refined view of what I believe but that's it. Perhaps my next chapter is honesty with myself. 


And over coming the noises in the dark.