Since I started this blog I have thought of so many subjects I could talk about, spanning from the environment to peoples freedom, from religion and spirituality to politics. My mind spans so many different subjects, quotes and things that mean something to me. But I find it all so hard to articulate. I can’t find the words that I want to use to explain my emotions, beliefs or views.

This isn’t a new thing. I have felt for a while that I never had the words to explain just how I feel. I try to explain in simple terms that I can’t muddle up but it doesn’t work. As someone said to me the other day “you never explain things”. I do. You just don’t understand. I used to think its because I didn’t have enough words in my vocabulary to explain what I meant. So I tried to learn the words, new lengthy words that more people might understand what I had to say. But I’d get confused with my meanings and say one thing and mean another and it never made it any easier. So I started thinking that it was maybe me that wasn’t understanding

Perhaps it wasn’t my articulation and it was more that subconsciously I knew I didn’t really understand what I wanted to write about. For example, my spirituality. Do I really know enough about what I believe to go forth and write a blog entry on it? What are my views on human freedom, can I explain further than “oppression is wrong”? I will admit that sometimes I have a difficulty in reading material and drawing from it my own views, I am far too good at going along with what the general consensus is. In short. I’m a sheep.

Well, I was a sheep. In the last couple of years I feel that I am coming out of myself an I can see what things mean to me and what things don’t. I know that my beliefs belong to Paganism and that I can say that with conviction. I might have difficulty in explaining why, but I know deep down inside that that’s where my heart belongs.

What I find I am worse at, is looking at everything with a one sided view. Something I can’t help but look at with a one sided view, a lot of things with the environment, recycling, cutting down waste, lets not destroy the homes of helpless animals and lets not pollute yet another river. But when it comes to things such as, what is the best source of non-carbon energy? The main contenders out there are Wind, hydro and nuclear. Which one do I favour? They all come with their pros and cons, that much I know, and when it comes to nuclear I instantly get images in my head of Chernobyl and the three eyed fish from the Simpsons. I get worried at what nuclear waste could do to the planet I mean, where will it go? Landfills, buried somewhere where the government can pretend it doesn’t exist. Where we might forget about it and build new houses? Where children, parents and the elderly get sick. Will it get thrown in the ocean where we start to get three headed hammerhead sharks (as entertaining at that could be!) or will it be sent off to some less fortunate country who couldn’t differentiate between nuclear waste and standard waste.

I follow blindly when it comes to Guantanamo or the freedom of Aung San Suu Kyi  leader of the democratic group in Burma. I oppose the death penalty and I’m against censorship. I’m against the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, but were you to ask me for my reasons I couldn’t give you them. I have a view that things are wrong and that is good enough for me in my mind.

What I really want to do is take some time and affirm what I believe on all my subjects before I start a topic discussing them in detail. I know what my next blog is going to be after this as its something I feel I can discuss relating to instances, my views and various other aspects. It might take a little longer for me to bring another entry out unless I have a sudden surge of inspiration and get it all out in one go. Much like this entry. Whether or not it makes sense – that I could do with some feed back on .

So after my next entry, I might not be around much. I’m going to try and frequent less my usual haunts, shun social networking for a little while. I do feel that I need to get my head around things – go learn what the world is and create my own view point. Hopefully I can come back and post some lovely entries that will interest you all – and be in a way that you and I can understand.